Givers. Takers. Matchers. Oh my.

Fueled by Adam Grant's "Give and Take" classic, let's codify what Successful Givers do differently....so more generous souls can find their place on the right side of the Bell Curve of success.

I can’t recall who gave me “Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success” by

Adam Grant

but that book divided my life into Before and After.

Grant’s research demonstrated that the world is comprised of Takers, Matchers, and Givers. While no one is ‘purely’ one type, each individual has a core preference for how benefits are distributed when interacting with others.

• Matchers: Form the bulk of the population. Favor situations where both parties receive approximately equal benefits. Driver: Fairness

• Takers: Favor situations where their gain outweighs the benefit to the other party. Driver: Self-interest

• Givers: Favor situations where the benefit to the other party outweighs their own. Driver: Generosity

My key takeaway was also a welcome surprise: Across all industries, the MOST and LEAST successful people were GIVERS. While there were success and failure stories amongst all three types, the majority of those in the ‘least’ and ‘most’ successful categories were GIVERS.

Before reading it, I had no idea that generosity could be linked with increased success. My experience led me to believe that generosity impeded success.

I loved to give. I baked it into the ‘cake’ of how I formed my company, New Leaf, created services for clients, hired, reviewed, incentivized, and looked for people I could assist with my work. Yet, my practices were often met with resistance and snarky comments. The drumbeat of ‘you are too nice,’ ‘kindness has no place in business,’ ‘you let others take advantage of you,’ and ‘your giving will be your downfall,’ was incessant.

As a result, I tried to push my generosity underground. That worked about as well as shoving a seed in soil and telling it not to grow.

When I read “Give and Take,” it opened a window into a world I wanted to enter. I just didn’t know HOW. By many outward appearances, I was successful. The company I built was supporting six families - including my own, I had a cracker-jack team, and my roster was filled with highly successful and deeply good people we represented for speaking. My family was healthy and happy. We lived in a comfortable home in a beautiful seaside village in New England.

The financial success of New Leaf disguised some core weaknesses in my generosity: Over-giving, lack of proper delegation and expectation setting, weak boundaries, martyrdom, burnout, inability to accurately discern ‘Takers,’ expecting loyalty and goodwill as rewards for my generosity, and more.

On many key metrics of success, I failed.

My weaknesses created big cracks in the foundation of my personal and professional life, but I couldn’t see them clearly while the business was thriving. These cracks widened during the pandemic, and I dropped into a hole fueled with extremely unhealthy habits around generosity. Not surprisingly, financial devastation followed. To save the business, grow as a person, rebuild our financial reserves, and still honor my ‘Giver’ nature, I urgently needed to change.

Re-enter: Give & Take.
I reread the book during the pandemic and I couldn’t stop thinking about the Unsuccessful Givers. I realized I was one of them. Could I find a sustainable and fulfilling way to be generous? The book didn’t delve into the possibility of transforming from Unsuccessful to Successful as a Giver. I decided to use my journey as a case study in finding out.

My goals were to build self-awareness, methodically break bad habits around giving, and systematically replace them with healthier ones. If I did not change, the business would fold.

With no roadmap and no guarantees, I began my reinvention journey in earnest in the Fall of 2022.

Could I capture lessons learned from my clients, employees, and my circle of friends and colleagues, to codify how to combine long-term, sustainable success and generosity? I was excited to find out. If it worked, I could use my knowledge to teach others how to do it. The community of successful givers would grow and the positive ripple effect on individuals, families, communities, businesses, and non-profits could be extraordinary.

I am currently mid-rebuild on New Leaf. I have allowed the business to morph as I work through the process. I’ve been writing down what was ‘broken’ and discerning the reasons why. Identifying what successful givers do differently and making the hard choices to follow their lead.

It continues as an ‘inside-out’ job as I shift how I:

• communicate,

• define generosity,

• determine who to give to and why,

• start business relationships,

• work with those I hire,

• handle money,

• lean on others,

• receive,

• work with Takers, Matchers, and Givers, and more.

I’ve observed a powerful surge in energy, creativity, and clarity. I’ve increased my tolerance for discomfort and carrying out difficult decisions. There has been pain, delight, growth, and more than a little fear. Overall, I’m very encouraged, hopeful, and determined.

I look forward to sharing what might help others with a ‘broken’ giving mechanism achieve sustainable generosity and success, too.

If you are a generous person - ‘successful’ or not - I hope you’ll follow along and share your experiences.